Life with anxiety is very interesting. I think that there is such a stigma attached to anybody who struggles with depression, anxiety, self harm and even ADD that we don't talk about it and we face these problems on our own. But I want to help everyone out there realize that I am a normal person struggling with an actual, common struggle. There are several things that may lead a person to be anxious. As for me. I have always been this way, well... at least as far back as I can remember. I can honestly would love not to feel anything than feel the way I do on a regular basis. All of this emotion, confusion, anger and fear built up inside me until I explode. It kind of can be compared to the feeling you get when you drink too much coffee. You get all jittery, chest feels slightly tight, the butterflies in your stomach and the dizziness that some may feel are all associated with anxiety. Many people may think that anxiety is a choice. Something that I can have complete control over. While I can control it to some extent, sometimes I do lose control of it. Although I have gotten better at controlling my anxiety. I know this is a struggle that will last a long time. It's not that I don't trust in the plans God has for me, or that he has complete control over my life. If anything it gives me comfort. But it's the uncertainty of life, the lies that have been spoken into my life, the past moments in my life and unhealthy friendships in my life. I will shorty touch base on each of these, then go more in depth as we take an even closer look into my life.
- Uncertainty: Definitely something that increases my stress level, therefore increasing my anxiety. I hate when life takes an unexpected turn. My stress level jumps when I hit a road bump. I need routine. This is one of the reasons I always have a mental routine in my head so I know what I am doing and when I am going to do it. This takes a lot of the guess work out of life, and helps me to focus on what is happening and not what could happen.
- Lies: There are so many lies being constantly fed into our lives. The trouble with this is that if someone says that something is wrong with me, I will believe it. I will notice every little thing I do and how it is related to what I was told. Am I really that fat? Could I be that stupid? What if I am not worth anything?.. Those questions and thoughts only feed my anxiety.
- Past: Certain circumstances in our lives can really scar us. Whether it be abuse, poor relationships, choices we have made, family problems, death, suicide or even a simple car accident can really reek havoc on our emotions and the way we perceive the world.
-Unhealthy Friendships: We all have those unhealthy relationships that we look back on and think. "what the crap happened there?". Well I have had several of those moments in my life. Most of which started when I entered Junior High youth group and was bullied by my, so called, best friend from elementary school. I wasn't like them. I was homeschooled, so I wasn't in the same "social group" as them. I was an anxious child, but back then it came out as anger. I was an easy target, I was passive when they would bully me. And I was small... Imagine being in the 18th percentile for height in middle school. not fun! so long story short several bruises, shoves, names and bloody noses later. I shook myself free of them after 3 years... 3 years can do a lot of damage.
I look forward to searching these issues with you. I honestly can't say that I fully understand them myself but here is what I do know...
1) God has me in his hands no matter what life my throw at me.
2) No matter what anyone else says, God says that he loves me.
3) The past may sting, but even the deepest wounds will heal.
4) No matter what your friends do, you will always find people who love you no matter what.
How have I figured this out? Well first of all God clearly states in Jeremiah 29:11, that he plans to help us prosper, not fall. Second, John 3:16 says that God so loved the world... that means everyone, including me so much that he would die for us! Third, 1 Peter. 2:24 talks about God removing all of our wounds and healing us. And fourth, John 15: 12-15 lays out how we are supposed to love each other. And those who are true followers of Christ, will listen and love no matter what... and we also have the savior of the world as our friend!
"The warmth of your embrace. Melts my frostbitten spirit. You speak the truth and I hear it. The words are I love you, and I have to believe in you, but who are you. You are the truth. I'm screaming these lies. You are the truth. Saving my life." Red Sam- Flyleaf
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